Dear Emily,
My partner and I want to experiment with butt plugs but we have no idea how to get started. Do you have any suggestions? It’s going into my butt and I’m a little nervous!
Kindra, 27
* * *
Dear Kindra,
I totally understand that using a butt plug for the first time can feel a little intimidating, but I promise once you get used to it, you will wonder why you waited to try it. Butt plugs can be a great way to add novelty to your sex life and best of all, they can intensify your orgasms.
Regardless of your gender, your anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings. Using a butt plug is a safe (and very fun) way to explore this erogenous zone. Some people like to use them during solo play, while others think it’s a great added sensation for partnered sex. In many cases, folks enjoy the sense of “fullness” that comes with a butt plug, as this can amplify the other pleasurable feelings you experience during sex.
Of course, you need to walk before you can run! To help kick things off, let’s review some of the essential tips for buying and using your first butt plug, and then we can discuss techniques for optimal butt play. With just a bit more information, it might very well become your and your partner’s new favorite threesome.
Start small.
If it’s your first time experimenting with anal play, you’ll want to opt for something small. This way, you can start to gauge how much your booty can handle and go up a size from there. There are lots of different sizes of butt plugs, and it’s generally a good rule of thumb to start with something small, and then gradually work your way up in size.
When it comes to buying, Good Vibrations has a variety of different sizes, colors, and shapes. You can even find butt plug training sets that help you build up your anal play tolerance over time. I highly recommend silicone over glass or steel (at least for beginners) as silicone has more give and is easier to insert.
Lube is your butt plug’s best friend.
Remember: your rectum doesn’t self-lubricate. You’ve got to help it out with some anal-friendly lube. If your butt plug is made of silicone, you’ll want to avoid silicone-based lubes. Don’t get me wrong—silicone is great for booty play, but silicone lubes break down silicone toys. (And you don’t want to ruin your brand new butt plug!)
System Jo is one of my go-to lube options, and they have water-based, silicone-based, and hybrid lubes. Dame also makes a great water-based aloe vera lube that is super silky. You can use an oil-based lube, but only if you’re not using a latex condom. And yes: you’ll want to use a condom with your butt plug if either of you has an STI or if you’re using your plug with multiple partners.
Ease into it.
If a butt plug’s best friend is lube, then its significant other is relaxation. Booty play is ten times easier when both you and your partner have communicated in advance and are approaching the experience with a solid understanding of your boundaries. It’s important to relax before AND during butt play. You could ease into a more relaxed state with a bath or a massage session. Foria makes an amazing Arousal Oil with CBD that can also be used to massage your buttocks and thighs. Deep breaths are one of the fastest ways to tap into a more relaxed nervous system. . The key is to do whatever it takes for you to feel at ease.
Start with just the tip of the plug and do more (or stop) depending on how it feels. If you only do a little bit, add a touch more the next time. And more the next time. Eventually, you might just get the entire thing inside. Add some clitoral stimulation and WOW. Talk about an erotic experience.
Clean that baby.
It’s not the sexiest thing, but it is crucial to clean your butt plug after you play. Always wash your butt plug and hands with soap and warm water. If you’re a vulva-owner, you want to avoid transferring any bacteria from your butt to your vaginal area (this can cause infection), so be sure to thoroughly clean up if you’re continuing with hand play or penetrative sex.
Done right, butt play can be fun and lead to a more intense orgasm. It’s all about trying something new, exploring your erogenous zones, and connecting with your partner… And honestly, is there anything better?
xx,
Emily
