Let’s talk sex goals, vulva owners. There are three skills that I hear over and over that you’re dying to achieve with your bodies:
- Internal orgasms
- Multiple orgasms
And here’s a secret: all of these goals are contingent on the health of your pelvic floor. How strong and toned it is, how responsive it is to stimulation, and how aroused you are when you have sex and/or masturbate.
So let’s go through your goals one by one, and break down the steps to get you there.
While the clitoris is key for helping vulva owners orgasm, it is possible to have a G-spot orgasm, an A-spot orgasm, even a cervical orgasm. So many internal pleasure points, so little time.
The trick here is to have a clitoral orgasm first during solo sex, which is easier since the nerve endings are more exposed. Then, with your genitals engorged, you can mindfully insert an internal toy, like a rabbit vibe, a dual stimulator, or a G-spot stimulator. Take deep breaths, and do a squeeze or Kegel exercise at the end of the breath before you exhale. You’re waking up the nerve endings inside your vagina, which takes time — so be patient. The more you try this over a span of weeks or even months, the more your brain will connect the dots between stimulation and pleasure.
Now again, the key to internal O’s is a strong pelvic floor. Yarlap with AutoKegel® technology does Kegels for you. Cool, right? As an FDA-cleared medical device, it’s a 20-minute workout from the inside. You insert the pelvic floor muscle stimulator into the vagina, choose an intensity level for pelvic floor muscle contraction, and let it do its thing! And bonus—no more peeing while sneezing— because a strong pelvic floor corrects that too and Yarlap does it in a matter of weeks!*
(A disclaimer here: if you have vaginismus, a condition that involves involuntary tightening of your vaginal muscles, training your pelvic floor over and over again is not the move. If that’s you, visit a pelvic floor physical therapist, who can customize a treatment plan for your body.)
Let’s go for the gold: squirting.
More than anything, squirting requires commitment and patience. That’s because you’re stimulating a slightly different set of nerves than those that facilitate a clitoral orgasm (the pudendal nerve). When you’re trying to squirt, you’re stimulating your G-spot, which is connected to the pelvic branch of the vagus nerve.
In short, it’s very deep and internal, and needs deliberate sensations. So try this: next time you’re masturbating, use a powerful sex toy over your clothes, to get that first clitoral orgasm without completely numbing things out. In my experience, the best toy to achieve this is the almighty Magic Wand. It’s a power tool! Try stimulating yourself over your pants, or over your underwear. It’s an external vibe, but it’s so strong you can feel the vibrations deep in your body, without desensitizing your nerve endings. That’s absolutely key for the next step.
As you move to internal stimulation with an internal toy, don’t get frustrated if you have to be there a while. Here are 4 tips:
- Slow down. You’re building up tension for an orgasmic release, and it takes time to engorge the erectile tissue of your G-spot.
- Feel for the “I have to pee” sensation. Squirting is not peeing, but when you’re first trying this, the tension might feel similar.
- Let go, and let it flow. You’re rewiring your brain around what’s possible, and while this ejaculate is made up of other fluids, there might be a little pee at first. Put down a towel and roll with it.
- Take everything out. Often vulva owners can’t ejaculate with something in their vagina. So when you feel something coming on…take out the toy, so your body can release fluid properly.
Fun fact: vulva owners have no refractory period between orgasms. That means that after you experience one, you can try for seconds! (Or thirds, or fourths…)
But it’s harder to accomplish during partnered sex, when you’re focusing on more people’s pleasure than just your own. So try this: leading up to your next solo sex sesh, make it a point to do some kegels, a squeeze/release of your pelvic floor. Ideally, you want to do them daily.
To perform a kegel, squeeze your muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine. Hold for 3-5 seconds, then relax. Repeat 10x, 3x a day, and if you want to create a fun phone reminder, be my guest. Now that is a welcome notification.
When you masturbate, choose a bullet vibe with some versatility, to see which sensations feel best. I’m a big fan of Gold Vibes by Womaness**, which is not only cute and discreet, but has both a tapered end for targeted stimulation, and a rounded side for broader reach. Plus: you can throw it in a toiletries bag! Take it with you on that vaycay.
And don’t forget your lube, people! It increases change of orgasm and adds sensation. If you experience dryness, I recommend Coco Bliss, also by Womaness, an indulgent vaginal moisturizer that helps you prep for intimacy. It has a natural coconut scent that I’m obsessed with and it’s ultra-hydrating so you can use it on dry skin, anywhere.
New pleasure levels, unlocked. Enjoy training!
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*Start training your pelvic floor today with code “EMILY” for $35 off your order at Yarlap. Thank me later xx.
**Need to stock up on vibrators and lube? Be sure to use code “EMILY” for 20% off your order at Womaness.