In this enlightening episode of Sex with Emily, Dr. Emily welcomes Sarah Sloane, sex and kink educator from the Hashtag Open app, for an essential conversation about consent, sexual communication, and finding partners who truly align with your desires. This episode tackles everything from making consent conversations sexy to navigating ethical porn, kink exploration, and the realities of dating after divorce.
Sarah breaks down how to make consent attractive rather than awkward, emphasizing that consent is temporary and can be withdrawn at any time. We explore the “hell yes” versus “hell no” standard for enthusiastic consent and practical ways to slow down sexual encounters for better awareness and communication. The conversation addresses how to teach consent early through body autonomy and why being honest about your boundaries actually makes you more attractive to compatible partners.
We dive into listener questions from Matt, who’s navigating dating after an abusive marriage with no prior dating experience, and Christi, whose 20-year marriage is strained by concerns about her husband’s porn use. Sarah offers guidance on video dating as the pandemic norm, using apps like Hashtag Open for specific interests, and the importance of yes/no/maybe lists for discovering preferences without shame.
Timestamps:
00:00 – Introduction & Sarah’s Early Life
03:41 – Discovering Kink & Initial Curiosity
07:38 – Power Exchange & Emotional Safety in BDSM
11:59 – Consent, Boundaries & Clear Communication
16:13 – Self-Worth, Validation & Identity
20:46 – Shame, Judgment & Cultural Programming
26:17 – Healing from Trauma Through Play
31:03 – BDSM & Somatics: Embodiment Work
36:42 – Rewriting Scripts Around Pleasure & Worthiness
43:20 – Advice for Beginners & Empowered Exploration
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